Peggy’s Space

This year we have chosen “in the becoming I am transformed”  as the quote on our 2009 Summer Institute t-shirts.  It is a quote by Laura Treacy Bentley.  We really wanted to use a quote by Laura this year but Laura is a writer she doesn’t write about writing so we had difficulty finding the right one.  But last night as I was watching So You Think You Can Dance I became convinced that we had chosen the right quote.  The judges were talking to one of the male dancers about how much he had grown since the beginning of the season.  The week before they had let another dancer go because although she was a beautiful dancer she wasn’t growing,  she was then what she had been when they first saw her at the auditions.  It is the becoming that is exciting and dynamic.  Just being good or even great isn’t good enough we must be transformed.  The teachers who change us; who change education are dynamic always changing, always becoming– that are transformed every year.  When we quit changing we are stagnant and no matter how great what we are doing once was it eventually looses something. 

This is true of Summer Institute, no year is ever exactly the same.  Leadership changes, protocols change, readings change, they must because once the leadership looses enthusiasm for something that lack of enthusiasm is communicated to the fellows. 

Yesterday,  I was having a conversation with Laura ( our writer-in-residence) She was saying how wonderful all the fellows are that they all were so talented and willing to open themselves to the writing process.  I have found that this is what sets out Institute apart from others we are known as the writerly group.  We have several TC’s who are published writers and we write a lot.  I know that  Amy will remind me that this is Parker Palmer but as a group we have committed to using writing as a means to reveal ourselves to us.  It helps us grow as people which makes us better teachers– in the writing we are transformed. 

I answered Laura,  and I have heard myself say this a few times lately, “Aren’t teacher wonderful.”  Laura and I continued talking about how we as teachers are often down on ourselves, each other and the profession.  Maybe we have some reasons to be,  but one of the lessons that Summer Institute always teaches me is that teachers are awesome.  They work hard, they care about their students, communities and future generations.  Teachers have a desire to motivate and inspire their students they want to be the best teachers possible but somehow somewhere over the years and through a career that gets lost– we forget.  Writing Project helps us remember,  it helps us become what we once were or what we want to be.  That’s the magic “  In the becoming we are transformed.”

My students and I have always talked about Emily Dickinson’s poem “If you were coming in the Fall” as a romantic poem about a girl waiting for her love to return.  It has been suggested that Dickinson was referring to her mentor Thomas Wentworth Higginson who she waited most of her life to meet in person.    Although the poem was written before the beginning of the Civil War my students sometimes connect her feelings with women and even families who are waiting for loved ones to return from war.   In the past few years this connection has strengthen for my students and as I sat listening to one of my college students tell me he was being called back to active duty my mind immediately went to Emily Dickinson’s words:

If you were coming in the Fall,

I’d brush the summer by

With half a smile, and half a spurn,

As Housewives do, a Fly.

If I could see you in a year,

I’d wind the months in balls—

And put them each in separate Drawers,

For fear the numbers fuse—

If only Centuries, delayed,

I’d count them on my Hand,

Subtracting, till my fingers dropped

Into Van Dieman’s Land.

If certain, when this life was out—

That your’s and mine should be

I’d toss it yonder, like a Rind,

And take Eternity—

But, now, uncertain of the length

Of this, that is between

It goads me, like the Goblin Bee—

That will not state—it’s sting.

I listened as the young men in my class told stories of friends that had gone AWALL or who had committed suicide because the military had refused to allow them to come home.  I cannot imagine the frustration felt by military personnel forced to stay in Iraq or Afghanistan beyond their tours of duty.  The same frustration is felt by those waiting at home for their loved ones to return.  Emily Dickinson’s poem was written in 1862 at the beginning of the Civil War and I now wonder if her poem has a broader meaning.   

I haven’t written during the last few weeks because everything has been crazy.  Today though I had a frustrating experience and wanted to write about it.  I spent the weekend creating this webpage that link sites about Mark Twain and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.  I found this really great interactive scrapbook that had video and audio clips.  I also wanted to show my students a clip of SNL in order to talk about satire.  When I got to school in the morning I tried each of my sites and nothing worked.  My computers did not have simple programs it needed to play the video and audio.  Of course the programs are easy to install and free but I am blocked from downloading anything.  I also cannot use a jump drive while connected to the network because it recognizes it as hardware and of course I do not have the ability to install hardware.  It is so frustrating.  Not to mention that I do not have a screen so I have to project the picture on a window blind and everyone has to turn their chairs around after I have unplugged multiple things so that I can plug in the projector and the computer and the extension cord.  After all that did not work I had to unplug everything because in order to get the tv to work I had to use the same power strip and extention cord to plug in the TV/VCR.  Luckily I was ready with a video because I was afraid nothing would work.  Plan A,B, and C.  I remember when I gave a presentation on blogging and Paul asked what I did when the blogs went down.  I thought really that is the least annoying thing I have to deal with.  I do what I always do go to plan B or C.  I want to do these great projects with my studetns but it seems so frustrating.  We spend millions to adminster tests and teachers are hounded constantly about not meeting the standards.  But we are not given even the simplest technology.  Yes,  I could teach my literature and writing standards with just pen, pencil and books, but the studetns are missing out on so much more.  Plus,  students are more engaged when they can present things in alternative formats.  I talked to my principal today and he said he would see if he could get me the programs installed which will be nice but it doesn’t solve the core problem.  I am not sure even being in the new school will because they are talking about computer labs which does not allow for the intergration of tech into the curricullum. 

This week went really well no big dramatic moments.  We talked Emily Dickinson this week which I love and my students stayed with me.  My principal came by this week to observe me which was fine.  He sat at the back of the room while my kids worked on their literary analysis of one of Dickinson’s poem.  I told him he was too late he had missed my enthusiastic discussion about Dickinson and her life.  But my students were great they continued to work and kept me busy running from one to the next answering questions.  Hildegard said to me the other day,  “when I walk past your room on the way to the copier it has Writing Project written all over it.”  I made her explain that comment in detail.  I want to know what am I doing that gives off that impression and I will do it some more!  I am having fun this year.  Things seem to be going well.  I am overwhelmed with work.  I will not teach a class at Marshall in the Spring.  I thought I could do it in the fall because Writing Project work would slow down,  but that has not happened yet.  But generally speaking something has happened in my class that I stand back and enjoy with amazement.  Some of it may be me.  I have a few organizational structures in place this year that are really working for me and I am more confident this year about what I am teaching than I have ever been in my career.  I am also sure that some of it is the class.  Everyone says that as a whole this is a great class.  But I think a great deal of it is that Jennifer is making my life easier.  During this time of year I would normally be struggling with me students to buy in to “wild writing”  and creative writing activities.  But this year everyone slid in easily I know it is because Jennifer has prepared them for me.  I also this year gave everyone a journal and a three ring binder which they keep in class that means that we can work on the same assignment for multiple days and I do not have to collect it.  They put in in their binders and they do not loose it.  You would think that juniors could manage to keep a piece a paper from one day to the next but you would be wrong.  Also giving them journals has made grading them much easier because they are all the same and students are not using their journals for other classes which really helps.  Last year I would be searching through history notes trying to find journals.  Also they do not take their journals with them so no forgetting a journal or not having it on the day I am going to grade them.  Also they write everyday because there is no option to do it later.  The moral in our school is really low and that takes a toll.  I wish I could do something.  Other teachers have talked to me about it but I am just not sure anything can be done.  I do know that public education is in crisis.  We cannot survive if the pressure continues to be heaped upon us.  I have always been interest in politics, but in a very academic way.  I;ve never really been interested in elections because I have never thought that one candidate or anothermade that much of a difference.  But I am worried this year.  I am worried what public education will look like if we have 8 more years of the same educational philosophy.  Our principal came to us last week and told us he needed us to do these pre and post tests.  He was apologetic he knew when he told us to do it that it was too much.  That we didn’t have time with all the other things we are required to do.  Teachers are tired, they are frustrated, and their worried. 

I am still VERY upset about what happened to me this week but I looked out at my students as they smiled and laughed over their writing and I thought I must find a way past my hurt feelings and ego.  Kim smiled and laughed today I saw her on the far side of the room.  She has dimples.  Kim never talks she never smiles.  Her smile was so sweet.  Everyone participated.  They had to because their groups were depending on them to write.  Last Friday my students and I did a story starter activity.  We did it as a round robin so that multiple students wrote pieces of a story.  I watched my students heads bend low, pencils moving quickly, smiles and giggles as they contemplated their next move.  This week was no different.  They were ready.  I had told them that on Fridays I would have a writing activity for them when they came in today their excited voices said, “Are we writing today Mrs. Murphy?  That was fun.”  Fun I thought, they had fun writing.  WOW!  I watched today eager to share with each other.  Writing quietly for stretches of time, yelling no I am not done yet when the timer went off and I thought,  “they are learning that writing can be fun.”  My superintendent has decided that we must turn in our assessments every week so our principals can analyze if our students are mstering the standards.  Of all the things I taught this week and assessed the one thing that I think is the most important has no standard.  They learned to enjoy writing.

Well I would say this has been a bad day.  It is the worst day I have had since Mr. Raby came in my classroom and stated yelling at my students to sit down and shut up ( That was about 5 years ago).  I was mortified on that day at how disrespectful it was to me as a teacher and to my students.  I had the same experience to day.  I am mortified and horrified at how disrespectfully I was treated.  He says I am disrespectful to him.  Disrespectful means that as a woman I dare to question anything that he says.  I find him abusive to our studetns and today he was verbally abusive to me.  He told me to do something which I just cannot do.  I think it is a very bad idea, it is probably illegal and the child to whom he wanted it done is violent.  He would not listen to anything I had to say there was no discussion between colleagues.  Once I said I couldn’t do it he shut down and would not listen.  I do not understand why educators treat each other so badly.  It is certainly not the first time I have seen this in action.    Maybe it is the stress we are under.  Maybe it is that teachers are so used to dealing with teenagers they forget to change tone and attitude.  (Although I would never treat my students like children either)  For many I think it is a power trip.  The became teachers and principals to exert power and they enjoy lording it over people.  But I will say this except for one minute when I was getting so frustrated that he would not let me say anything that I raised my voice; I do not regret my actions.  I could have just said yes, whatever you want but I foolishly believed that he would care that I made a decision on the spot in my classroom for a valid reason.  If I now believed I had made the wrong decision I would admit it but I didn’t.  I say this over and over again:  I love my classroom,  I love my students, and I love my subject, but I hate deal with administration who consistently show that they do not care about us as people or professionals.

The week went so fast that I didn’t realize that I had not done my slice until I got on to my reader and realized there were new ones.  I thought to myself didn’t I just…

I had a great week.  We talked about the Romantic and Walt Whitman.  My students are doing their Wild Writing with out any argument.  It is amazing.  Yes, it is the honeymoon period which ends promptly during Homecoming week.  I do think that basically I have good classes.  We are talking “Song of Myself”  tomorrow that should be FUN!  This year our superintendent has decided that we do not have to do lesson plans what we have to do is turn in our assessments.  I like this idea because it forces me to think about if my students have actually mastered the standards.  A lesson plan says I taught the standard but says nothing about how I assessed that the students learned anything.  I have already noticed a difference in the way I think about forming my lessons. 

On Friday my students and I did the Molly and Pierre met in a bar in… round robin writing.  They had a great time although because we had been talking about Whitman I got a lot of cross dressing, transsexual, and homosexual stories.  It was weird I have never had that happen before.  Several students wrote about Molly having AIDS that is a first as well and I am trying to think about why this happened.  Not that I think it is bad it must be something they needed to get out there I am just trying to figure out if it is important.  Several of the students came in and first thing asked me if we could do more of those types of writing.  I am going to do more every Friday actually.  They are fun, it doesn’t matter if we get interrupted which always seems to happen on Fridays and the kids are writing.  Win Win!  AND do you know not one kid asked if they were going to get a grade for it.  They just did it because they wanted to participate and it sounded interesting.  WOW!  I love Molly and Pierre.  I only need 30 more fun writing activities.

Jennifer,  Hildegard and I met again this Friday.  We developed a tool so that when we observe each others classroom we will have an evaluation method.  The tool really is an adaption of the lenses that we use in SI.  I am looking forward to watching Jennifer and Hilde at work.  We are going to try and doing something with this information but I think I need a class.  I am not quite sure how to take the information we gather and do something worth while with it.  We are going to write an article it will give us something to bring to the writing group as well. 

Taking on the class at Marshall was probably not the smartest thing I have done.  I am enjoying it but it is a drive and takes up quite a bit of my week.  I am still worried that I am not going to get everything done and that I will wear down as the semester wears on.  I am also supposed to be doing all this data collection for Writing Project.  I do not mind doing it but it is another thing on the already crowded plate.  I love everything I am doing and I am keeping up right now but… I have created some managment structures in my classroom that are helping and are making me feel more confident.  In the past I have been very lax about keeping track of things I have been lucky that I have not gotten into a big mess with a parent challenging my grade. 

I do have a meeting with a parent this week who does not like me very much.  He thinks I am a liberal and he doesn’t like liberals.  I am guessing he doesn’t like strong women either.  This should be fun. 

This was the first week at Ironton.  It was a great week.  I started out slow and steady.  Each day we did a different writing activity and connected it with the American Dream  which is the theme that we will focus on all year.  I teach American Literature and almost all American Literature can be brought back to the theme of the American Dream.  The creation, evolution, accessibility, pursuit;  from The Scarlet Letter to The Bluest Eye everyone is pursuinga dream.  This being the Anniversary of MLK’s I have a Dream speech just fit in perfectly.  I am really looking forward to this school year I think that I have a great bunch of students, my class numbers are pretty small, my IEP class only has eight students and I have a team teacher.  That should be a great opportunity to really work one on one with some of them who are lacking reading skills.  I have got to learn to teach reading.  The school needs to invest in some sort of system that is good for upper lever students unfortunately all of the ones that we have looked into are way to expensive.  I did however by some low level high interest books for my lower level students to read this year and they seem to be enjoying them. 

Hildegard, Jennifer and I met on Friday after school to talk about our new research project.  We came up with our inquiry question and we discussed what we are hoping to accomplish this year.  Next week we are going to get together and create a tool to evaluate each other in the classroom.  In a way we are shooting in the dark.  None of us have done anything like this before but we see an opportunity to document a teacher who has just finished SI and a teacher who is in there second year post SI.  Hopefully we will be able to find some help along the way.

I am also teaching a composition class at Marshall this semester.  I am excited about it but nervous because I am not sure I can keep up the pace.  Driving to Marshall two night a week may get to be too much plus I am taking a class as well.  I wouldn’t have taken it had I known I was going to teach but I hate to drop it now.  It is a computer class and I am familiar with all the applications so I do not think it is going to be that difficult. 

All in all I am very excited about the year.  This is the first time in my career that I have returned to the same school teaching the same thing for a third year.  I finally feel that I know what I am teaching and I feel comfortable with the school community.  Jennifer’s Slice exuded energy and excitement I wish I could come across like that in writing.  I just feel very comfortable and content with what I see ahead this year maybe it is not a lack of excitement I am sensing in my writing but a sense of confidence and relief that I FINALLY feel comfortable in my classroom.

The editors of the WP newsletter have asked me to contribute a piece that is sort of a reflective of the summer institute so once again I am turning to my blog to help me write myself into something.  It just dawned on me that Karen would be proud I am actually starting with the technology instead of a piece of paper and a pen. 

This summer was great.  We had a small group  only 11 but they were all very serious teachers who felt the weight of their responsibilities as teachers.  I am sure that several of them will continue working with us at MUWP and for me that is exciting.  Everyone of them left saying what a wonderful experience they had.  The last day was a bit of a love fest everyone telling each other how wonderful they are.  We are already looking forward to out August 9th meeting.  It is coming up so fast and I definitely need to get that planned but I have people to help which is great.  The demonstrations this year were the best we have seen and I think there were three major reason.  First we did a model demo at the Kick-off that gave the fellows a lot longer to think about the demo than when we did the demo in the first days of the summer.  Along with that demo Amy and Jennifer debriefed the demo in front of the participants they talked about how Jennifer came to this idea and how it formed I think their conversation really made a great deal of difference.  The second thing that really helped our demos is that Amy returned this year as demo coach.  Last year was her first year and things went great a big improvement from the year before but having Amy back ready, prepared and experienced just propelled us forward.  The last difference was probably the biggest change in out SI structure this year and that is that we had an embedded librarian.  Jennifer Sias a teacher consultant and one of the Marshall University Librarians was enbedded in the institute this summer.  In the past one of the things holding us back was that many of the participants had no idea how to get appropriate information to support their demos and if they found info they had no idea what to do with it.  Jennifer did several presentations and most importantly she was with us through out the summer to answer questions and just be their when fellows needed the advice of a librarian.  She said that sometimes she felt like a priest or a bartender.  Acknowledging up front that we knew that some of them knew very little about research made it comfortable for them to do the research because they were not in a position to have to try and hide the fact that they had no idea where to begin. 

Laura Bentley joined us this summer as our writer in residence.  At first we were all disappointed that Eddy was unable to come back and were sure that Laura would not be a wonderful as Eddy had been but she was.  She was very different but the fellows loved having her and noted the writer in residence as one of the things we shoudl never get rid of in SI.  The other was musical blogs which was such a funny little concept and this year we followed the musical chair rules and it was a great deal of fun.  I think part of it had to do with the fact that we played 80′s music.  (It was unintended I forgot my CD’s and they were the only ones I could dig up.  )  But the age group for more that half of the group was just right for the era of music. 

If I were to title a peice on this summer I would call it new and old faces.  Amy and Jennifer were old SI faces that were back again.  So was Laura she was a fellow many years ago.  Jennifer, Heather, Kathy and Ian returned from last year to serve as coaches.  It was great to have so many who came back for another year.  It really gets me excited about the posibilities for the future.  THere were a few years there that it seemed like we were never going to build a new network of teachers. But now we are not only building forward we seem to have reinvolved others from the past. 

What will I take from this year?  I have a renewed commitment to being a facilitator/coach in my classroom.  I was reading an article and it said,  “Teaching does not equal Learning”  I think I will put that really big in the front of my classroom.  I will also take the knowedge that there are some amazing and dedicated professionals in the tri-state.  I was impressed with our teachers this year.  They took teaching so seriously.  It was great to interact with professionals who had a great desire to be the best at what they do.